How to fight porn’s empty promises

Colorful explorations

The internet is the world’s window to opportunity. Anything can be done and seen. The computer doesn’t judge us. We’re only one in a crowd of nameless, faceless on-watchers sitting down to feast.

Porn is the search for the perfect satisfaction. It’s the hunt for the high we experienced when we saw it for the first time.

It was then when curiosity turned into an iron hook, pierced through our skull right into our mind. Its force is stronger than our will and we return to it like a dog returns to its vomit.

It draws us to the seduction and ecstasy, it mesmerizes our mind with possibilities. We hope for absolute satisfaction. Completion for a moment.

What we get is a short satisfaction wrapped in shame in exchange for pieces of our soul. Soon we come for more but not without the everlasting accusations only we can hear. The hook is planted and the lies keep flowing.

Believing the possibilities

Our past experience is the bait for the future. We think since we experienced the perfect high before, it can come again.

This lie gives porn a purpose. Once we trust that porn has something we need, our fighting is doomed to fail.

All our porn-blockers, accountability partners and cries for help will evaporate because in our minds we’re denying ourselves an essential need.

We say no to more than our sexual fantasies. We also say no to the possibility of perfect satisfaction. That’s what porn gave us at some point and that’s what we’re seeking.

Remember how the Bible tells us to resist the devil and he’ll flee from us (James 4:7)? It doesn’t mean to curse your sex-drive. Our bodies are made to experience the pleasures of sex.

We need to resist the lie that the devil can satisfy us with his methods. He is a liar and a thief and he has no mercy. Trusting him will break us.

He will take away from us everything he can get. His promises are worth nothing. Porn is the theft of not only intimacy but relational skills in general.

Drinking the cup of internet lust transforms our personality and our look on women. We will not be able anymore to see them as dignified, honorable sister in God.

Instead, we’ll see our highest crowns as cattle, our greatest fulfillments as vessels of shame.

Women lose the men God called us to be. We fail as protectors and warriors and become small and fragile, afraid of discovery of hidden shame.

The effects of porn are written all over us. It’s not a hidden sin like everyone told you for many years.

No, you and your soul know what you are doing when no one is looking. You keep cracking cracking because your inner life is not one with the holy look you’re going for.

Either insecurities will ravish you or you’ll go all in. There is no way in between. Sin will charge it’s service and the wages of sin are death.

Remember who you want to be tomorrow when you’re tempted today.

Back to reality

We form our beliefs during times of peace, not in the fire of battle. We need a good reason to fight but we also need endurance to win.

We know that all our good intentions can go out the window in the heat of the moment. The greatest antidote for this is accountability in community.

Sin is only powerful in our minds if we let if work alone. Out in the open, confessed and talked about, it loses its power over our mind. Trusted brothers will help us with the burden.

Another great resource I came across a few years ago is a book called A covenant with my eyes by Bob Sorge. Instead of giving you tools to succeed, Bob takes away our options.

His solution is to create a covenant with your eyes. Just like Job did (Job 31:1) in the Old Testament. Since it’s in the same category of a marriage vow, his idea is that the fear of God will keep us from sinning in the moment.

No matter which approach we take, we have to be whole-hearted. The fight doesn’t start with our wrestling against porn but with our commitment to God.

Our walk on this earth is marked with lots of struggles to overcome. As we fail at times it’s important to accept that God is not angry but he’s cheering you on.

He doesn’t look at the times you failed but at your willingness to fight. It’s like everything else in life: We fight, we fall, we get back up.

For the glory of God.

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6 thoughts on “How to fight porn’s empty promises”

  1. Derick,

    Separation is difficult and if you are the one going through it:

    I am sorry.

    Divorce and its repercussions are very complex. But I do think that you should give yourself time to mourn for the lost relationship. Don’t go too fast. It’s important that you work through your hurt, anger and all the other raw feelings that are flooding you right now.

    Men have a tendency to buckle up and jump into work, alcohol, sex or whatever to ignore the emotions they feel. Even though it is harder to face what you are feeling than to numb your emotions with external stuff, it’s important you face what is going on.

    Process your emotions with your buddies. Start to journal. You need to form those emotions into clear thoughts in order to process them. This will be the first step for you to get back on track.

    After that, take responsibility for what you did wrong. Don’t play the blame game.

    This may sound hard, especially since I have no idea about your situation. But looking at yourself will be the best way to find closure for yourself.

    Also, include God in the whole process. Find passages on overcoming rejection and your personal worth.

    Don’t forget, you are still a son of the most High, no matter what you feel.

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