As a little boy, I dreaded going to school. Learning was not the problem, neither were the teachers. What I feared were my bullies.
No one ever taught me how to handle them nor did I have someone to protect me. Bullying wasn’t even a thing back then so my cries echoed in the darkness.
The best advice I got was to ignore them. They’ll stop on their own because all they want is a reaction.
Does it ever end?
Well, let me tell you, that advice is worth nothing.
It actually made it worse because an unwillingness to protect yourself makes them feel safe.
So I suffered in silence. Every word they said hurt like the fire of hell it came from. The smoke choked off my breathing. Their arrows created a hole in my chest that sucked away all hope for me to live.
Continuous stress on that little heart breaks something man can not repair.
The world became an evil place for me and I vowed to become an evil place for the world. Never trust anyone. Go after them before they come after you.
As a man, what would I have given to go back in time and rip those bullies heads off.
I wished I could talk to that little boy and tell him it’ll be fine. Train him and protect him and show him what it means when someone has your back.
But of course, this would never happen.
Trapped in pain
So I walked in bitterness for many years, following my savior yet asking why he wasn’t there. The whisper became a cry as I read His claims in His word.
Really? You call yourself a protector?
Where were you when my heart was cut to pieces?
Were you sleeping when the wolves devoured me?
My honor was still in shambles and my manliness crushed between the fists of my enemies. Their stomachs are filled with my dignity as I lay in the dust, naked and broken.
He never left
But God was there in my suffering. He was there when I was humiliated, he was there when I was beaten.
During our life on this earth, we will never know what he protected us from. Hatred is willing to go all the way.
I’m still writing these lines, I still have my health and my breath. All of this could have been taken away from me back then or at any point after that.
Bad things happened to me in a fallen world but many things didn’t. God is involved in our lives and one day we will hear the stories of His faithfulness. We’ll hear how he saved us and protected us all our live.
He sees our sufferings and he is not quite about it. Like a father turning into an animal when his children are in danger so does our God.
As they brought us down, his anger rose to shake the heavens.
His battle cry was heard from coast to coast. The earth trembled and the foundations of the heavens shook because of his wrath.
Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet (2 Samuel 22, 8-10).
“They touched the apple of my eye. My family. Mine, mine! Mine is the revenge.”