The plan for marriage and the reality of war

Relationships are tricky. Everyone can attest to that. They are rewarding when things go well and drag us down like nothing else if things get bumpy.

Yet no matter how much we get hurt, we still go out there for more. We can’t stop because we are made for connections. Our life means nothing if it’s not lived in a context of others.

We want to share our lives with others. And even more than that, we want to be transparent before one.

We want to get lost in her beauty, share our struggles and trust enough to cry. We want to know her fears, slay her dragons and dance through life with her.


Want for more

The life-old desire for connection. We’re longing for it no matter our outward posture, stoned face or hostile ways. Once we drop our armor, we all find ourselves longing for a lover and a friend.

Even if we’re married, our wishes stay the same. We don’t want the certificate but what it stands for: A place of security and trust.

We want her to know our fears and struggles, our joys and desires. Laying it out there, bare and raw. We want to be known and yet accepted and loved despite our flaws.

From a place of trust and knowledge, we can conquer the world because we have someone to share it with. What are our accomplishments worth if we have no one to care?

My wife encouraged me countless times. Our walks through the valley of death made me tired of love and life. Yet she stood by my side. She reminded me of Yahweh’s promises for our life. She exposed lies believed and never grew tired of pursuing love.

I would be at a different place without her. A worse place.

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Fighting for love

Yet with all the blessing she was for me, we had our struggles. Of course we did. No story is interesting without a conflict.

We all know the feeling of broken trust. The one we love, the one who’s our greatest blessing, is also the one who can cut the deepest.

We rushed into marriage like a druggy to the dealer. We hardly knew each and didn’t want to listen to the “pessimists” around us, telling us to wait. She was US country girl and I a city boy from the old continent. Misunderstandings, anyone?

Frustration in life, immaturity and our passionate hearts played their parts. After a while we didn’t feel connected anymore. Pain took the place of joy and we started to drift.

But change came with healing. Our God send us a counselor who helped us to overcome the pains of a past life. As the tears dried up, our relationship began to heal. Like Nehemiah, we started to rebuild.


Deception at its finest

We learned that our special one is not the issue. It’s the lies we believe. It’s the filters we have set in place to protect us, determined by our experiences. If all we know is pain, we’ll interpret new experiences in that context.

Words meant to bless become weapons, reactions not expected become disasters. We love and then we hate; we adore and then we despise. All because of lies.

The enemy wants to destroy you. He’ll want your mouth on a bottle and your body chasing another girl. Any girl but the one you love. In your mind first and in the real world later.

Whatever lie it might take to convince us, he’ll lay his cards out. Telling us we can be wild and free again when all we ever wanted in life is connection. Telling us we’re missing out at the same time people all over the world are longing for the life we’re in right now.

It’s crazy but we fall for it.


Rising from the ashes

Yet there is forgiveness. There is grace. And there is God, the lover of our souls. The longings we have when thinking about marriage can be real. They are put there by our God himself.

They are fragile but they are a possibility. More than that, in fact. They are promises. God will give us the desires of our hearts if we love him first.

My God. Teach me your ways and help me to love my wife as you love the church. Bless my family and send your angels to guard what’s holy in your eyes. Let me see deception and recognize the lies.

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